I have the most beautiful songs in my heart, but not nearly enough words to accurately describe this feeling… The feeling of freedom and empowerment in simply loving myself, loving my body, my energy and just being so SOLID within myself that the negativity that comes my way just deflects right off. I am untouchable. And the ones who are trying to tear me down look at me and I could just feel their wonderment in WHY— Why don’t their antics work on somebody like me? What makes me so invincible and powerful that I will not shrink at their will? Why don’t I seem to “care”—which in reality, I do, but not in the way that they would like. The way where they can control and manipulate me by taking away from my power and feed into their own lacking of happiness or fulfillment and faith that I hold in every aspect of my life. But I’ll share with you my secret: it all lies in my self-ie love which every day reminds me, what’s really good here.. 😉
I’m not saying I am an exception to having moments of ever feeling weak or powerless to resist succumbing to the agendas of those people around me. But the power of finding yourself in the sea of energies, it’s recognizing who and WHERE you are in this world. I am no exception to the many men and women out there that take dozens of “vanity portraits” of themselves. But I’ve found something interesting about my years of this selfie-taking habit. The times when I don’t feel great about myself, I’m less likely to want to take any selfies. Obvious deduction, right? What’s interesting about it is when I started to contemplate the reason why. When I’m not taking care of my energy, it shows in my face, which makes me reluctant to be seen in a photo. I’ll have months where I don’t take any pictures at all because I’m feeling my worst. Maybe because I haven’t been spending enough time for myself and expending all of my extra time on others. Maybe I have been going through a problem that I’ve been stressing myself out over a solution I can’t find. When I get this way, this is my red-flag to recognize that there is something I need to look deep within myself and make some changes to shift my energy, balance and regroup.
#LoveYourSelfie is my way of participating in and documenting what I’m doing, and why I’m doing so great in this moment, that way when I find myself in these situations that deplete me, I can remind myself of how beautiful and amazing I truly am and that I have every ability to change my story and perspective in any given moment. I don’t care what anybody else says— you are not obligated to stay where you are in any aspect— physically, mentally and emotionally. Sometimes it surprises me how quickly I am able to shift that it confuses others if I was even upset or troubled in the first place. But this is how it should be. Why should I sit in my own filth of jealousy, rage and discontentment over problems that don’t even serve me? The ones that only sink me deeper in those unsupportive feelings instead of shifting the conversation I’m having about them and create a new mindset that does. I can admit it’s not always easy, but it’s so necessary to consider.
This past week has been a nightmare turned into the most beautiful reality. I had been harboring the most intense feelings of insecurity, jealousy and rage and basically running myself head first into a wall, over and over again, ask f something was going to give and let me have my way. I’m sure we’ve all been there before, but for someone like me, surrender is the strongest position I could find myself in. I’ve spend a good amount of my teenage to mid-20s discovering how to use my manipulation and aggressiveness to get and force my way. I would fight to the death for the last word and final blow until the first time I actually struck my fist to somebody I loved and eventually lost them, presented a new message to me that maybe being right isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be— especially when you could lose that person indefinitely in the process. The funny lesson I’ve learned in the situation now, is that even though I can be a very manipulative and controlling person who has always been able to have her way, and if not, walk away, this was the first time I realized that walking away wasn’t going to be the easiest decision. When you invest a huge and delicate portion of yourself into anything—a person, an idea, a treasured item you’ve been longing for—you recognize the value it has to your life that the thought of “What if I didn’t have this anymore?,” becomes your biggest fear. These are the kinds of realizations I had never been used to because for me, I learned to bear a diamond-clad armor where if I had lost something, it was just as simple for me to let go and believe that if it wasn’t meant to be, then it wasn’t meant to be… In some cases, this served me very well, but only superficially. This situation before me has pushed me to take a good look at what’s in front of me, be present and centered in my mindset and really look at the situation for what it really is—rather than my automatic of avoiding or retreating. It’s giving myself the permission, courage and respect to look at myself and what’s going on openly and honestly without judgment.
This past week has marked the lesson of learning when to give up any and all control or forceful feelings of having things my way, and just go with the flow of what aligns with my truth and what fuels my happiness. As soon as I made the decision to LET GO, loving myself again has been so effortless. In this picture above, I woke up, took a good look in the mirror at this gorgeous woman before me; tired-eyed from a little too much sleep and rest, but glowing like she has a tantalizing secret to share yet a mystery the world will always wonder over; and understanding how absolutely blessed I am for this body, this mind, this capability to maneuver through life in this human form and be able to experience the joys of life, the heartache of sorrow, the anguish in betrayal and yet still, at the end of the day, knowing that all of these things that don’t kill us, do indefinitely make us stronger and more resilient. I am so proud of the woman I’m becoming and even more so recognizing how much beauty exudes in all that I do because of the renown faith that loving myself without the reliance of somebody else to love and take care of me must come first and foremost. It’s not a chore, it is a necessity. From my day to day, it’s putting effort into making my happiness come first, regardless if I’m a daughter, a mother, an employee, a friend— I cannot be the very best version of me unless I give 100% to myself, and in turn, filtering out tenfold into the people I love the most and choose to spend my most valuable time with.
Being my very own best friend is not easy work, but every day I’m learning alongside myself to teach myself to be gentle, forgiving and at my very core, loving and compassionate to myself and my fellow human beings. Some days are easy.. and some days are not so much. But I show up every morning holding the ideal buried deep within me that we are all truly kind souls and are always championing for each others’ successes and happiness in life.. that any harm we do cause for one another isn’t necessarily personal, but it’s only because we are operating from a place that we don’t always intend. That alone is my reminder to understand… that we’re all human, we make mistakes, we learn, we grow, and we find a way to move on. Always.
With that being said, the final lesson of the entire timeline of things is this: Everything is exactly the way it should be. It is unfolding exactly perfect to match the victory being aligned for us to achieve. I know that whatever comes, will come, and what will go, will go, but to take great care of ourselves is what keeps our boat afloat, ebbing and flowing through the tides of life. And the way we take care of that boat—this body we navigate through life with— is absolutely what brings out the quality of life that we so very deserve: full of strength, guidance, and most importantly, love.