If there’s anything I’ve learned this year is that everything life throws at you is inevitable to escape–including love. I’ve found that no matter how hard I’ve tried to escape love’s pull, like a swimmer caught in a rip current, I find myself lost in the tide that brings me back in and under each time. This time, I’m not fighting the currents anymore, but flowing with them.
I will not wait for 2017 to bring in a new beginning. My heart was not meant to be “kept safe” and guarded, but to be trained to love and fight hard for love. Maybe the ones who couldn’t last weren’t ones who were worthy of a love as powerful, loyal, and honest as mine. Maybe their demons that we like to call ego were stronger than their will to keep fighting for love as well. I have to be ok with letting these ones go. I know in my heart that the only thing I’ve asked for is what I deserve and it’s ok when the bill is too large of an order for one to handle.
I deserve love and I deserve respect. I deserve effort. I deserve passion as solid as my King’s loyalty and commitment to me. I deserve to be fought for and not given up on or discarded when “it gets to be too much” for him. I deserve someone who wants a challenge to grow and to learn too. I deserve to not have his word and promises broken like twigs. Hollow and without substance. I deserve someone who is worthy of my undying commitment and not neglected or ignored like I’m some kind of child needing discipline because he could not have his way. I will not grant wishes to those who have not earned it. I know that the reward for my King is far greater than any hardships we’ll endure together.
I am a woman of great internal and external strength. My words, my voice, my energy all hold power and I am unbound by many of the rules and restrictions this world tries to put onto me. Though I still abide by the cardinal laws of this dimension, my values lie in my truth and openness to love. I live by this one truth and one truth only:
“If that which I seek I do not find within myself, I will never find it without.”
The way I love myself must match the love my King has for himself and his people. His heart must be strong and resilient, selfless and compassionate, loyal and kind. The way he treats others is a true sign of his worthiness as King. 2016, you were the lesson I needed to learn that love is the greatest and most humble teacher. I will not stop or hide my love because I know and believe my love is the kind that heals all. You are no King to me if your kind of love only wants to hide it for yourself, behind glass on the top shelf for all to see but none to touch and experience. The King that reigns beside me will be the one who helps me unite our people in ways this world has never seen before.
Maybe if not in this lifetime, I stand behind my words to echo until the day finally comes where I meet you again, and we have both learned and understood our duty.